“Just when Glennon Doyle Melton was beginning to feel she had it all figured out — three happy children, a doting spouse, and a successful writing career — her husband revealed his infidelity and she was forced to realise that nothing was as it seemed.”
When I was going through dozens of thriller and mystery fantasy book — which is a genre I prefer — on a sale in my campus, I decided I wanted something real for once. After reading the synopsis, I brought “Love Warrior” by Glennon Doyle Melton back home with me.
The memoir progresses from Glennon Doyle’s childhood all the way to her motherhood. It is beautifully told in the book how she views her childhood from an adult perspective and in return, she views her adulthood from a little girl point of view. She paints such a painfully beautiful illustration with her words on how the innocence of a pretty little girl everyone used to adore fades into bulimia and alcoholism due to the patriarchal and misogynist expectation of the society.
Her story written in the book includes matters of love, sex, addiction, marriage, motherhood, her rising career, infidelity, her own unique path in finding God, and her flip-flop journey of navigating and listening to oneself.
Reading this book as a woman, I could not help but wrench my own heart. To say I am able to imagine the rollercoaster of emotion and thought-process she told in the book would be a lie. The persistent seeking of male validation, the constant self-destructive effort to fit the word “sexy”, the continuous failed attempt to sobriety, and the rest on the list would be any girl’s nightmare. But despite the unfortunate confessions she discloses in the book, tenderness exists in every page for the way she poetically string her words. The pages aren’t filled with artificial optimism nor groundbreaking eureka moments, the story rather flows with the mundanity of her everyday life and her never ending effort to stand tall a little longer, for her children, and for herself. That, to me, bolds the emphasis of how real life is really about the small things we notice with a big heart.
“‘Maybe, for now, the only right decision is to stop making decisions.’”
The many questions she asks herself in the book becomes one of my favorite bits from this read,
“But what if I’ve been wrong? What if what’s real is out there, not in here? What if the purpose of life is connection, and what if you can only connect on the surface?”
“Why had I been taught to fear God if In God is the only place in which fear does not exist?”
“Is it possible that I walked down the aisle toward exactly the right person?”
The vulnerability that lies within these question marks reminded me that to be unsure is to be humane. And in a way, it engages the readers in a humane, empathetic way.
And you just know from the mention of “infidelity” in the synopsis, this book is not a romantic one despite the title. Not a single butterfly came to my stomach although 2/3 of this book was also about her dynamic with the husband. She writes this book as if the past events are still happening and I like that for a memoir. The present tense succeeds to invite me as the reader to enter the book, as if I am watching the scenes unfold from a safe distance.
The emphasis to be present and to be aware and mindful of everything: Our mind, our body, our feelings, and to learn that everyone else is experiencing the same thing with different means in life, would be the lesson I take with most pleasure from this book. “You both learned it (addiction) as a way to get your needs met instead of as a way to give and receive love,” is quoted from a therapist in the book whom the writer had appointments with. “That’s why it all feels so wrong to you. There is so much for you two to unlearn.”
“I’d been angry and ashamed because my marriage was so far from perfect. But perfect just means: works the way it is exactly designed to work. If marriage is an institution designed to nurture the growth of two people — then in our broken way, our marriage is perfect.”
Unlike the memoirs and autobiographies I’ve read before, “Love Warrior” is composed more like a fairytale with substantial compositions. Glennon managed to hook the reader’s compassion to be involved in the fluctuating events and transformations in her life, the list of important things to reflect on, and offer them an unexpected yet fulfilling ending.
